JET Orientation - Circa 1988
(or what I can remember of it)

June 2002
written by MattyRedSox

Time to turn on the way back machine.

The year: 1988. The place: Japan. The cast: the largest invasion of Gaijin since 1945.

About 20 to 30 of us arrive at Narita - we are by far the largest group of JET arrivees from the US. We unfold our selves out of the economy seats, I say good bye to cute flight attendant (stewardesses back then). I am one of the very few who actually knows Narita, but we've arrived at a different terminal - and it's night. Sudden confusion - all eyes look to me - I know in my heart some of us will not make it through the experience... we burst through the doors –

SUDDENLY a loud American starts yelling, "JET PROGRAMME, FOLLOW THE SIGNS", we hurry down the hall (for some reason, I remember us breaking into a trot – I feel like we are the commandos raiding Entebbe Airport), we then pass an Australian woman yelling similar stuff but I can't understand the accent, and then we pass more and more clean-cut foreigners with signs, and they herd us towards the passport control area which has been specially set up for us, we whip through. I swear the immigration’s guy was giggling at me.

Then we kind of get teamed up with a renewer for every two or three new JETs and wait by the baggage claim, five or six boxes and bags later, (I am the king of luggage on this flight) - I get to chose one bag (I take two, f@ck it), the rest get put in a pile of JET bags and boxes, to be shipped to our prefectures later.

Now we hit customs - again we whip through - (damn, should have tried to smuggle some pot). We are now herded towards a roped off waiting area of chairs, currently filled in with strangely dressed, pasty skinned people who smell no where nearly as nice as we do - they also talk funny. We learn that they are called "Brits". They have also been waiting a while, as there were storms over the Pacific and all of the US originating flights are arriving late.

A couple of the Brits grudgingly move their bags off of chairs so that some of us can sit. We apparently are still waiting for one more flight (I believe Chicago) to arrive.

The Brits just whine about the "stupidity" of everything - having to f@cking wait, not being allowed to smoke in the f@cking terminal, f@cking Yanks, f@cking Yank accents, f@cking Yank flights being late, f@cking Japanese, and f@cking everything else. I am from New York and I have never heard the word f@ck used so cleverly before. The Americans for the most part are the following: chipper, loopy, sleepy, or asking a sh!tload of questions. Most of the answers come back to "They'll answer ALL of your questions in Tokyo".

The Chicago flight is still delayed, the Brits’ mood turns even uglier, they start to whine about having to wait even f@cking longer for more f@cking Yanks - the seeds of US-UK hostilities in Japan are being sown.

Flight arrives - we pile on to the bus - whiz bang right into traffic - Tokyo traffic - people are trying to see Japan, but it is dark and the entire highway is walled. I am just hoping that nobody notices the bus’s built in karaoke machine – thankfully this Japanese craze is still about a year from being discovered by Westerners. Brits royally pissed that they have not been met personally by Japanese Imperial Family or something – and that they can’t f@cking smoke on the bus. American’s still asking way too many questions – don’t they know that ALL of our questions will be answered once we get to Tokyo?

We arrive at the Keio Plaza, a new group of renewers helps us check in, and the others get dropped off at the Hyatt (the hotel where the doormen have really funny uniforms). Shared experience by all, “wow, this seems to take much more time than necessary”. Brits are relieved that they may finally f@cking smoke. Annoying goodie-goodie girl from Georgia or Maryland requests that the Brits not smoke near her (fake cough and all) – she is summarily executed in the same manner that Mel Gibson was in Braveheart. I start smoking too.

We get checked in - I go to my room, and meet my roommate for the next few days. All I can remember is that he is a bit of a snob from Harvard - and that he is insanely jealous of the ENORMOUS fruit and wine basket sent to me by one of the Hotel staff (apparently they some how knew my dad - he lives in Tokyo). I call dad, we agree to meet for drinks the following day if there's time.

Skippy is off to meet Buffy and Tiffy, maybe to try out their “perfect” Harvard Japanese – which nobody in Japan will ever understand. I went to a state school, and do not speak “perfect” Japanese, so I am not invited. I go hang out in a local izakaya with two guys that I met on the flight – as it turns out we are going to be sentenced together to the Gulag Saitama. One is Ray, he’s Chinese American, he is never going to get laid once during his two year stint in Japan. The other guy is Big Bob, so named because his name is Bob and he weighs more than a Nissan Sunny. Big Bob is also gay. Surprisingly, it seems that he has more sex than the entire prefecture combined. He was still there five years later. Probably still is – I am some what jealous. Neither of them have ever heard of my town in Saitama.

Next Morning We get up, shuffle in for breakfast, it's horrible fake western cr@p, prepared at least a week before. We are then put into a huge auditorium - where we are given about 25 pounds of books and papers, this is to match the 20 pounds of books and papers which they have previously mailed us. I promptly lose all of my meal coupons, I suspect that Big Bob has something to do with this. We are given the welcome speech from Mr. Wada - it is endless - eventually 17 hours later, we understand there are 679 new JETs (or some exact number about that much), they are happy that we are here, they expect good things from us, please don't wear shorts to anymore meetings, later the renewers will answer ALL of our questions, and there is a reception tonight. Bob Juppe (head of AJET) gets up, tells jokes and welcomes us and reassures us that soon all of our questions will be answered. We are then sent to lunch.

Cr@p lunch. Told not to drink beer at lunch.

First of intro meetings - first hear the words Every Situation Is Different. ESID. This is repeated for next three days over and over – especially when we ask questions. Wonder when they are going to teach us Japanese. They are not. When will ALL of our questions about Japan be answered? Soon we are told; however tonight we have the CLAIR welcome party. Additionally no one has ever heard of my town, at least none of the people from Saitama.

Go back to room - postpone drinks with dad. Tomorrow.

Drink our faces off, with the renewers - this it turns out is also the renewers’ conference. Everybody, including the Japanese want to drink their body weight in government sponsored beer. Run out of time, head with a couple of newbies, and a couple of renewers out in search of beer and alcohol in Shinjuku. I know the area, I have drank here with my dad many times, we head to a skyscraper, go up to one of my dad's bottle keep "snacku" (bars) - they won't let us in – should have realized that we are not drunk enough. Wander into another one, they let us drink, we meet some of my dad's coworkers - they pay for our drinks - excellent. “Please meet us again tomorrow, we will buy you more beer” We JETs readily agree, it would be rude not to accept more free beer from our hosts. While at the bar, we decide that Li-- has big t!ts - I'm happy that she's from my prefecture.

Day Two
See day one and just know that JHS and SHS are separated - why do we need an introduction everyday? Apparently some other senior representative from CLAIR needs to prove that he can read twenty-seven pages of prepared English text in monotone. I think that he has lost contest on a Japanese game show and this is his “batsu-game” (punishment).

Today I have learned that I am not a JET, I am what is called an AET. There is something else called a CIR, apparently they get to listen to even more monotone speeches than I do. For the same pay.

We are on our own this evening - so the various prefectures take their newbies out drinking - nobody has ever heard of my town – I worry about this until I finish my third Sapporo. Tonight I learn that Sapporo and Asahi are better beers than Suntory.

Later some (mostly Brits) head towards a bar in Shinagawa (there are no good bars there, morons) - a few of us (the two coolest [and prettiest] Brits, some Canadians, the ken's black guy, an Australian and assorted Americans) meet up with my dad and his co-workers at the My City or Odakyu rooftop beer garden at the station. A plan is hatched and about 25 of the 42 JETs in Saitama will join up with about 15 people from my Dad's company, and two or three of my college friends from Tsukuba in two or three weeks to climb Mt. Fuji. This is worth another story someday – needless to say it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Day Three
See day one - but more focused on our individual kens - again I spend most of day trying to find out which really is my ken – I am thoroughly concerned now – in fact I even sit in another prefecture’s orientation, because they have a river with the same name as my town. Mike (newbie) and Rich (I think - a renewer with/ a car), skip out of the workshops and drive up to Saitama to see the town where Mike will live - we are insanely jealous. The ken's AJET secretary (an Aussie school marm type) is livid – you are not supposed to deviate from monbusho’s dictates. Co- AJET Presidents (one Australian one American - same last names - not related, but do bicker like husband and wife) are pretty cool - spend ridiculous amounts of time helping me get a phone call through to my city hall, of course my new boss is away - but they are expecting an AET, problem is, they are expecting a girl. I am not a girl. This is getting more and more f@cked.

Also I apparently missed the part of the workshops where ALL of my questions about Japan were answered.

Next day (a Saturday) we have a goodbye speech (same as welcome speech, but they say see you at the mid year conference – Mr. Wada assures me that he will personally send me a letter answering ALL of my questions about Japan), and we get on the bus marked Saitama - other JETs head to the airport (Hokkaido, Okinawa and Kyushu JETs), others have long overnight train trips, ferry boat rides, and the Tokyo JETs (now an extinct breed, I believe) head for the subways. I am worried - what if I am rejected by my town because I am not a girl?

About seven hours later (Saitama is less than twenty miles from Tokyo – we have made good time), we get to the prefectural office's back parking lot, and everybody gets picked up, except for me. My boss is late (I think that I am being rejected) - my boss eventually shows up, he knows that I'm a guy, it seems that nobody in the office listened to him when he explained that their first choice (a girl) declined and I was the alternate. Everything that they bought to furnish my apartment is pink.

I will spend the next three years of my life here.

Have fun newbies.

Top